Freedom vs. Obligation

Gregg’s reflection

When I went to my first Robert Fritz workshop, Fundamentals of Structural Thinking, I realized that I had been living in a worldview of obligation for decades. With that realization, a great weight lifted. We had sold the business a few months before, and I made a resolution that I was going to live into freedom, and what I did in the future would be a result of choosing, not reacting to feelings of obligation.

There is nothing wrong with taking on obligations. I did that over 50 years ago when I married Genie. When I joined the church, I took on certain obligations. The difference is that those obligations were chosen and honored. The obligations I am talking about are ones that operate at a subconscious level. The worldview of obligation meant I was not free to say ’No’.

In my worldview of obligation, others were not free to say ‘no’ either. My structure session with Fritz revealed this worldview. I complained that our Bishop had not been sufficiently supportive of our efforts to create a Leadership Academy in the Synod. “Let me get this straight,“ Fritz said, “You’ve made an offer to the Bishop, right? Is he free to say no?”

“Maybe not,” I replied. ”What’s that about?” Fritz asked. I responded, “I’ve thought for years I was trying to prove myself to my long-dead father, but I realize that I’m trying to prove myself to God.”

”Is that how your religion works?” Whoops. I was a Lutheran, believing in salvation by grace through faith. Yet, underneath, I had an operating system that was working under an obligation to prove myself worthy, to make God smile in my own strength. That was destined to fail. And fail I did.

Journaling Prompts:

How often do you find yourself responding out of a sense of obligation? What would change if you were free to say NO? How often to you submerge your needs out of obligation to others?

Scripture

The risks of freedom and change can too easily make familiar bondage seem comfortable.

RENOVARE Bible notes on Psalm 106 OT p. 867

They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

Matthew 23:4

If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.

John 8:31-32

Now the Lord is the Spirit , and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

Freedom is one of the deepest longings of the human soul. Paul writes, “For freedom Christ has set us free” (Gal 5:1)-Christ has set us free to become the persons God has created us and redeemed us to be.

RENOVARE Bible notes on the book of Galatians. NT p. 323

Ancient Writings

We must strip ourselves naked and cultivate detachment from things of the world. Abandon yourselves only under the condition that you harbor no illusions about the beloved being under some obligation to repay you for your sacrifice with divine favors.

St. Teresa of Ávila, Interior Castle, trans Mirabai Starr, p. 73

In doing what we ought we deserve no praise, because it is our duty.

Saint Augustine. Words like ’ought’ and ‘duty’ delineate obligation, not freedom. I disagree with Saint Augustine in this instance. GB

Modern Writings

“Shoulding yourself is a cognitive distortion, and ... so many of us often engage in it,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach who is based in Texas but provides services to clients worldwide. Howard notes that it can also involve words like “must,” “ought to” and “have to.”

“It’s basically a sort of automatic thought or statement that you might use on yourself that creates this sense of obligation that hasn’t been mindfully or rationally weighed out by factual information,” she said. These kinds of “should” statements can add a sense of obligation or shame to the equation, Howard noted.

Jillian Wilson, The 1 Word Therapists Say You Need To Stop Using With Yourself, Huffington Post, 9/27/24

The more I meditated on freedom the more I discovered. First I discovered that I was free. This was the foundation of my meditation. No one was pushing me, no one was telling me what to do. So as a Christian I meditated on this gift of freedom.

God is here, and I can love him or not. I can be hot, cold, or tepid toward him. I am free to choose, to act, and for this freedom I rejoice and thank God, even though I know the terrific responsibility of it and the total insecurity of it. For I have to decide; that is so very important. True, I can have advisors, spiritual directors and books, but ultimately, in the great reality of my relation to God and others, I alone must make decisions when the time comes. That is freedom.

Catherine Doherty, Poustinia, Encountering God in Silence, Solitude and Prayer, p. 101

Solitude is necessary for spiritual freedom. There is no true solitude except interior solitude.

Thomas Merton

When we say that the will is free, we mean that its act is not determined for it by anything else. The will is free with creative freedom: it can initiate its own movement, even without any stimulus in the environment. Now, this power of self-action in total freedom is precisely what we can all discover to be the most central selfhood in ourselves, the most deeply intimate reality of our being as persons, that which is purely and truly my "I.”

Beatrice Bruteau,  The Grand Option, p. 7

The real enemies of our life are the “oughts” and the “ifs.” They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place in the here and the now. God is a God of the present. God is always in the moment, be that moment hard or easy, joyful or painful. God is not someone who was or will be, but the One who is, and who is for me in the present moment. That’s why Jesus came to wipe away the burden of the past and the worries of the future. He wants us to discover God right where we are, here and now.

Henri Nouwen, Nouwen Society Daily Devotion, 12/3/21

It seems to me that free will is given to us for a purpose: so that we may choose freely, without coercion or manipulation, to love God in return, and to love one another in a similar way. This is the deepest desire of our hearts. In other words, our creation is by love, in love, and for love. It is both our birthright and our authentic destiny to participate fully in this creative loving, and freedom of will is essential for our participation to occur. 

Gerald May, Addiction and Grace, p. 13, 92

If the primary flavor of your religion is fear, it is mainly a series of obligations and religious duties.

Richard Rohr, On the Threshold of Transformation, p. 349

The ego doesn't want to surrender to its inherent brokenness and poverty. Yet the truth is, realizing your imperfection is the beginning of freedom and grace.

Richard Rohr

Both the weakness and the genius of “the freedom of the children of God” (Galatians 5:13–25) is that God risks everything for the sake of love, which can only emerge in freedom, not under duty or duress. God trusts freedom so far as to fully allow us to sin. It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?

Richard Rohr, What Will We Do With Sin? p. 34

“For freedom Christ has set us free,” Paul wrote in Galatians 5:1. Yet, few of us were taught that religion was a path toward deeper and deeper inner freedom (which largely shows itself as a more and more expansive freedom to love). Instead, most of us thought of religion as a private regimen of duty, obligations, and commandments, usually about external behavior.

Richard Rohr, What Will We Do With Sin? p. 59

Authentic spirituality is always on some level or in some way about letting go. Jesus said, “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Once we truly see what traps us and keeps us from freedom, we should see the need to let it go. As Meister Eckhart said, “the spiritual life is more about subtraction than it is addition.”

The freedom Jesus promises involves letting go of our small self, our cultural biases, and even our fear of loss and death. Freedom is letting go of wanting more and better things; it is letting go of our need to control and manipulate God and others. It is even letting go of our need to know and our need to be right—which we only discover with maturity.

We become ever more free as we let go of our three primary motivations: our need for power and control, our need for safety and security, and our need for affection and esteem. Authentic spirituality is about finding true freedom. It offers us freedom from our smaller selves as a reference point for everything or anything.

Richard Rohr, CAC Morning Devotion, 6/14/20

Today, most of us try to find personal and individual freedom even as we remain inside of structural boxes and a system of consumption that we are then unable or unwilling to critique. Our mortgages, luxuries, and privileged lifestyles control our whole future. Whoever is paying our bills and giving us security and status determines what we can and cannot say or even think. Self-serving institutions that give us our security, status, or identity are considered “too big to fail” and are invariably beyond judgment from the vast majority of people. Evil can hide in systems much more readily than in individuals.

Richard Rohr, CAC Morning Devotion, 6/18/20

There can be no outer freedom without some level of inner liberation. This is a universal truth, but a lesson that each of us must learn for ourselves. If we pursue freedom from a reactionary position, out of our own fear or anger, we are working on too small a scale. The path to full liberation always has its source in an Infinite God.

Richard Rohr, CAC Morning Devotion, 1/18/21

For anything to be a virtue, it must be a free choice, not just a mandate. 

Richard Rohr, CAC Morning Devotion, 9/22/21

Our freedom from the prison of our own illusions comes in realizing that in the end everything is a gift. Above all, we ourselves are gifts that we must first accept before we can become who we are by returning who we are to the Father. This is accomplished in a daily death to self, in a compassionate reaching out to those in need, and in a detached desire for the silent, ineffable surrender of contemplative prayer?

James Finley, CAC Daily Devotion 6/15/20

Love is never imposed, it’s always offered.

James Finley

In the Desert, freedom is not about having limitless options; it is about being able to say “Yes” wholeheartedly to whatever the present moment holds.

Cynthia Bourgeault, Desert Fathers and Mothers Foundational Glossary

Freedom is about acceptance of life on life's terms, and in my experience acceptance, comes from the heart, not from the head. To let go, and accept reality as it is, is an act of love. To hang on and fight reality is an act of ego. Life, as it shows up, is never wrong, it can't be, it's the ultimate reality because it's the only thing happening right "now." Acceptance is a superpower that allows us to live in the freedom of love, and love changes everything.

Paul Pignal

Unconditional love requires perfect freedom. God does not protect us, because protection requires a degree of control that limits freedom.

Mark Ritchie Spiritual Director

Our God is a God who allows, not controls. Perfect love requires perfect freedom (allowing).

Mark Ritchie, Spiritual Director