Judgmental / Dualistic Thinking
Gregg’s Reflections
If I admit it, I’ve always been bad to judge: people who weren’t like me; those who could not think like me; those who didn’t have my gifts; politicians who lied to us about Viet Nam and Watergate; churches that did not stand for justice; other religions and those who practiced them; those who polluted our lands, waters and air. I have had a whole litany of people I judged.
Perhaps because I thought of myself as ‘not good enough,’ I tended to judge others harshly as well. My father was a perfectionist and was great at challenging people, but poor at loving people. So, when I formed a picture of God, I saw a judgmental God, ready to whack me when I fell short. Which happened a lot. That recurring problem led me to spend decades trying to prove myself worthy. And, I expected those around me to help me get there. If I live under an obligation to prove something, I assumed you were under obligation too. This is why perfectionists are so hard to be around, always pointing out the tiny things everyone does wrong.
Slowly, after years, decades of meditation, God’s love began to break through to me. Richard Rohr says we must open the hatch at each end. If we don’t allow God’s love to flow into us, no real love can flow out of us towards others.
I began to understand that we are all beloved of God. I began to see a God whose face is compassion and love. Julian of Norwich said God “stands all alone, sorrowing and mourning, awaiting our return.”
Yet, even as I began to receive God’s love, my habit of judging had not stopped. Nor has it to this day. That’s why I have this quote from Martin Laird in my morning prayers
Judgmental thoughts are a mass of anger, fear, envy, pride and shame.
I need to be reminded of this every day. Do you?
Journaling Prompts
What reminders do you need each day to ward off judgmental thoughts? How hard is it not to judge yourself but to show yourself compassion instead? How do judgmental thoughts impede your own ability to be compassionate?
Scripture
Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of anyone, for judgment belongs to God.
Deuteronomy 1:17
Judgment will again be founded on righteousness, and all the upright in heart will follow it.
Psalm 94:15
Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? First take the log out of your own eye, and then you’ll see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
Matthew 7:1-5
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.
Matthew 12:36
Do not judge and you will not be judged.
Luke 6:37
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:17
Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father.
John 5:22-23
You have no excuse when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself.
Romans 2:1
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
Who are you to pass judgment on servants of another? It is before their own Lord that they stand or fall.
Romans 14:4
So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.
Romans 14:12-13
Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
Hebrews 9:27-28
Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
James 2:12-13
There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and destroy. So, who, then, are you to judge your neighbor?
James 4:12
But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.
2 Peter 3:10-13
Ancient Writings
We will not take possession of our birthright of never-ending joy until we find ourselves fully gratified with God and all his actions and judgments, loving and nonviolent toward ourselves and toward all our fellow seekers, and able to love everything God loves. And when we do achieve this state of surrender and love, it is the goodness of God that awakens it in us.
Julian of Norwich, The Showings of Julian of Norwich
In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.
St. John of the Cross
We judge things by their present appearances, but the Lord sees them in their consequences.
John Newton, Letters of John Newton
Modern Writings
The seven “C’s” of delusion from dualistic thinking:
It compares
it competes
It conflicts
It condemns
It cancels any contrary evidence
It crucifies with impunity
Thomas Keating, Open Hearts Open Minds, p. 122
Judgmental thoughts are a mass of anger, fear, envy, pride and shame.
Martin Laird. An Ocean of Light
Can we free ourselves from the need to judge others? Yes, by claiming for ourselves the truth that we are the Beloved Daughters and Sons of God. As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to the need to put people and things in their “right” place.
To the degree that we embrace the truth that our identity is not rooted in our success, power, or popularity, we can let go of our need to judge. “Do not judge and you will not be judged; because the judgments you give are the judgments you will get” (Matthew 7:1).
Henri Nouwen, Nouwen Society Daily Devotion, 10/26/21
The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. Francis didn’t bother questioning Church doctrines and dogmas. He just took the imitation of Christ seriously and tried to live the way that Jesus lived. His emphasis on action, practice, and lifestyle was foundational and revolutionary for its time and is at the root of Franciscan alternative orthodoxy.
For Francis and Clare, Jesus was someone actually to imitate and not just to worship as divine. The early Franciscan friars and Poor Clares wanted to be gospel practitioners instead of merely “word police.” They saw orthopraxy (correct practice) as a necessary parallel, and maybe even precedent, to verbal orthodoxy (correct teaching). History has shown that many Christians never get to the practical implications of their beliefs. “Why aren’t you doing what you say you believe?” the prophet invariably asks.
Richard Rohr, Eager to Love, p. 86-87, 200-201
I do believe goodness is its own reward, with foundational peace and joy, and evil is its own punishment, with aimless anxiety and restlessness.
Richard Rohr, On the Threshold of Transformation, p. 145
Our whole lives have been formed by binary oppositions. We think that way. I call it the Dualistic Mind. Most people fight back and forth between either/or binaries. Just look at our political parties. The one with the loudest voice appears to win, but then you always go away dissatisfied, feeling you have been cheated. And you have been.
At the Center for Action and Contemplation, we try to practice what we call Third Way approaches to conflict, problem-solving and creativity. You almost have to let "the two" fail you. You almost have to die to them. You almost have to be willing to be disappointed in both of them. But what most people do is to take a stand mightily on one side and make a god out of their ideology, religion or partial truth.
But this comes at such a cost! It's such a defeat for intelligence, for wisdom, for depth, for truth. Stridently taking sides in a binary system has nothing to do with truth. There are commonly two kinds of human beings: there are people who want certitude and there are people who want understanding; and these two cannot understand one another! Really.
If you need certitude, you will come to your conclusion. You will surround yourself with your conclusion. The very meaning of faith stands in stark contrast to this mindset. We've turned faith into a right to certitude when, in fact, this Trinitarian mystery is whispering quite the opposite: we have to live in exquisite, terrible humility before reality.
In this space, God gives us a spirit of questing, a desire for understanding; it seems to me it's only this ongoing search for understanding that will create compassionate people-and wise people. If you think you have a right to certitude, then show me where the gospel ever promised you that or offered you that. Rational certitude is exactly what the Scriptures do not offer us. They offer us something much better and an entirely different way of knowing: an intimate relationship, a dark journey, a path where we must discover for ourselves that grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness are absolutely necessary for survival-in an always and forever uncertain world.
You only need enough clarity and ground to know how to live without certitude! Yes, we really are saved by faith. People who live in this way never stop growing, are not easily defeated, and are frankly fun to live with.
Richard Rohr, Divine Dance, p. 99-101
Great love has the potential to open the heart space and then the mind space. Great suffering has the potential to open the mind space, and then the heart space. Both need to be opened . The mind that divides the world into deserving and undeserving has not yet experienced the gratuity of grace or the undeserved character of mercy. The lack of in-depth God experience leaves many judgmental, demanding, unforgiving and weak in empathy and sympathy, locked in a prison of meritocracy where all has to be deserved.
Richard Rohr, A Spring Within, p. 245
Nondual knowing is learning how to live in the naked now, the sacrament of the present moment. The nondual mind is open to everything that comes it’s way.
Richard Rohr